IT WOULD REALLY STINK IF
by IggyRoX234
Summary: Characters from Maximum Ride share 10 things that they think would really stink if it happened. Really Random. Really Funny. READ AND REVIEW! Please. I WANT REVIEWERS!
1. Chips Ahoy Does Not Fill the Void: Max

**Me: This is the ****Disclaimer****: I do not own Max, Fang, Iggy, Nudge, Gazzy, Angel, Total or anything else from James Patterson's genius series. This is redundant, but they belong to James Patterson. As in, not me. I do however own the Wicked CD and let me just say that it is awesome. Totally random.**

**Max: Yeah, you are.**

**Me: Okay. Anyway, it's your turn to write your 'It Would Really Stink If…' **

**Max: Here we go…**

**Max**

It would really stink if…

1. The voice inside my head told me that I was supposed to fail miserably.

2. I took the 'Who are You Most Like in Maximum Ride?' Quiz and it told me I was most like Iggy. (**No offense, Iggy**)

3. Fang suggested dying my hair red.

4. My mom lost the recipe to her chocolate chip cookies (Chips Ahoy would not fill the void).

5. Gazzy said that he wanted to be a blind sarcastic pyromaniac _just like Iggy. _

6. Nudge got the power to talk without having to breathe in between sentences. (Nudge Channel times 2. GAH!)

7. Ella decided that she wants to have wings too and ran off to the School.

8. Sam came back and told me that he still loved me.

9. Angel jumped into a vat of toxic waste and acquired twelve evil powers.

10. The whole flock and I walked into a room full of people dressed in white coats in a submarine that kept Erasors as pets.

**Me: Come on, you don't like Chips Ahoy?**

**Max: No. They're hard and bland. Opinion of a bird kid only, Chips Ahoy maker people.**

**Me: Okay. Whatever. On to the NEXT chapter. ZOMG! Yay! Wowzers! FANG!**

**Max: You're kind of hyper and crazy, you know?**

**Me: I get that a lot.**

**Max: Really? (sarcasm alert)**


	2. Shoots and Ladders: Fang

**Me: Unfortunately I still don't own Maximum Ride. Bird Feathers! JP still gets all the credit for everything Maximum Ride and/or everything Maximum Ride-ish. **

**Fang: Including me. I'm owned by someone I don't really know that well. Da-**

**Me: Keep it 'G' rated Fang.**

**Fang: Darn.**

**Me: Thank you. So now that the disclaimer has been completed, it's Fang's turn to write his 'It Would Really Stink If…' list. Yippee!**

**Fang: Yipee.**

**Fang**

It would really stink if…

1. Max fell in love with that Sam jerk and ran away.

2. Nudge dyed all of my clothes…_colors. *_shudders*

3. Iggy hacked my blog and told everyone about certain things that I wouldn't want anyone to know.

4. Gazzy got addicted to the Harry Potter series and made everyone call him Hippogriff. And carried around a stick that he called his 'phoenix feather wand'.

5. The School took over the world and turned everyone into mutants.

6. Angel read my mind when I was thinking about Max and then told everyone what I had thought.

7. I got Hannah Montana posters for my birthday. Thirty of them. (OmiGod)

8. Someone tied me up in a closet and made me listen to High School Musical 3 music for 24 hours.

9. Total made us sit down and play Shoots and Ladders for three hours.

10. If 2, 4, 5, and 9 happened all at once.

**Fang: There. Are you happy?**

**Me: I won't be happy until I get my fiftieth pair of striped socks.**

**Fang: Okaaaay?**

**Me: What do you have against Shoots and Ladders.**

**Fang: It just makes me so…aggravated. I mean it's shoots and ladders. That's it. That's all it's got.**

**Me: Someone's a grumpy little bird kid.**

**Fang: It's shoots and it's ladders. Shoots, ladders, shoots, ladders, shoots, ladders-**

**Me: OKAY! I get your point. **

**Fang: Shoots, ladders-**

**Me: Read and Review, people. Click the green button. I have a Shoots and Ladders headache now.**

**Fang: And it's all my fault. *Grins evilly***

**Me: Next is Iggy. I need a break. *Leaves***


	3. Monkeys taking over the World: Iggy

**Me: Hi, I'm already back. Fang left (oh, thank goodness) and now Iggy is here. I do not own Iggy- **

**Iggy: Oh my God, that would be horrible.**

**Me: *Ahem*… **_**Anyway, **_**nor do I own Fang, Max, Nudge, Gazzy, Angel, or any other Maximum Ride character or theme. JP does. He rocks.**

**Iggy: Yeah. He adds to my awesomeness. **

**Me: I've heard that Fang is more popular than you. What do you say to that?**

**Iggy: No he isn't. He just thinks he is.**

**Me: You're probably right.**

**Iggy: I am extremely right.**

**Me: Okay then, young bird. Just right your thingy.**

**Iggy: Thingy?**

**Me: YES! THINGY! WRITE!**

**Iggy**

It would really stink if…

1. Fang told Ella that I like her. Then told her that I've been thinking certain thoughts about her. *cough*

2. The whole world was taken over by monkeys from Mars and they made us all wear rainbow tie-dye shirts. **(What? Wouldn't it stink if that happened?)**

3. Max confiscated all my bomb making supplies. (I would keel over and die.)

4. Angel told Max everything that I've been thinking lately. I have to say, not all of it's exactly PG.

5. Gazzy got *gulp* responsible.

6. I died. Right here. Right now. That would stink a whole lot.

7. Fang set me up on one of those internet sites for lonely people.

8. And Ella walked in.

9. My parents were really white coats. (Wouldn't that tick _you _off?)

10. I was completely tied up in a chair. I couldn't set up _any _bombs. At all. Scary.

**Me: I totally agree with the monkeys taking over the world and making us wear tie-dye shirts. That would make everything kind of bad.**

**Iggy: I know.**

**Me: By the way, I got a comment about this: Shoots and Ladders is actually spelled **_**Chutes**_** and Ladders. I do not own a copy. Fang still hates it and it would make him mad if I had a copy. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go buy a copy of Chutes and Ladders and make him play.**

**Iggy: Fang is going to hate you.**

**Me: Fang could never hate me.**

**Iggy: Whatever you say.**

**Me: Please click the green words at the bottom of the page and review!**

**Iggy: She feels underappreciated.**

**Me: Do NOT! I have some awesome reviews (Thanks guys) but I just want more because it's fun.**

**Iggy: Okay.**

**Me: Okay… (Silence) Review! Bye.**


	4. Khaki Allergy: Nudge

**Me: Hi, I'm back! Now it's Nudge's turn.**

**Nudge: Yay! I've been waiting for sooooooooo long. I mean, Max went and then Fang went and then Iggy went and now ME! I am so happy.**

**Me: Me too. This should be interesting. So, let us get the depressing Disclaimer out of the way. Shall we? I don't own Maximum Ride. I never have owned it. I never will own it. It all belongs to James Patterson. There. All done. Now it's time for the fun part.**

**Nudge: I'm going to write my list now.**

**Me: You do that. I'm going to go take a nap. I'm tired. You 2% avian kids are stressful. *leaves*.**

**Nudge**

It would really stink if…

1. Someone duct-taped my mouth shut. And made me listen to School House Rock for hours on hours.

2. Llamas went extinct. I like llamas.

3. I caught laryngitis.

4. Ter Borcht returned and beat my Snicker Bar eating record.

5. Max entered me in a Silent Contest.

6. Every mall/store that sold clothing closed except for those who sold khaki. I'M ALLERGIC TO KHAKI!

7. Peter Pan died. I would hate that because Peter Pan can fly without wings and so then…it would be sad, I guess.

8. I walked into a room full of Erasors alone and suddenly it was filled with zebras. And then bubbles appeared everywhere. And everyone started eating beef jerky. I wouldn't know what to do without Iggy and Gazzy.

9. All the people in my flock went deaf, not including me so no one could hear what I was saying.

10. I had to get a passport and show it to the border police every time I flew over a border.

**Me: I'm back.**

**Nudge: Good, I finally finished. That took a while.**

**Me: Yeah, can I read it.**

**Nudge: No. It's a surprise.**

**Me: What!?! You won't let me read a stupid list of things that you think would stink?**

**Nudge: You'll just have to wait.**

**Me: Until when?**

**Nudge: Until I'm a famous author and I publish the list in my autobiography. It's going to be called ****Nudge: The Story of an African Avian American. **

**Me: Whatever. Read and Review Nudge's list so that she can feel special.**

**Nudge: Click the green button.**

**Me: What if your life depended on clicking that green button? Would you do it?**

**Nudge: I would.**

**Me: I'm talking to the internet readers, Nudge. Not you. Anyway, click that button like your life really, **_**really, **_**depended on it. Next is the Gasman. Nudge you can go now.**

**Nudge: What if I don't want to.**

**Me: Go!**

**Nudge: Fine, bye. *leaves angrily***


	5. The World Blew Up and Banjos: Gazzy

Me: Greetings to all of you internet people out there.

Gazzy: Yo!

Me: Okay, so tell me Gazzy: Who is the better pyromaniac? You or Iggy?

Gazzy: Moi, of course. No offense to Iggy. He's my best friend, but I can actually see what I'm doing with my bombs. He needs to feel, like, everything.

Me: That's interesting. Okay, so write your listy thingamajig.

Gazzy

**It would really stink if…**

**1. Angel got another power. I'm starting to feel useless.**

**2. Iggy suddenly decided that I was too young to be making bombs. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!**

**3. Max caught me drinking caffeinated soda before bed like I do every night.**

**4. I blew up the world by accident. I had a dream about that once. I got really scared and everything was dark. But then I heard a banjo and Fang and Max started singing Love Story by Taylor Swift. And Angel got married to a whale named Fred and they rode away into the darkness.**

**5. I found out that I was 2% pigeon while the others were 2% eagle or something.**

**6. I had to actually use the thing that Max calls 'proper grammar'.**

**7. Max and Fang discovered the mini-camera that Iggy and I use to watch them while they go on dates. No more 'I love you this much' jokes behind their backs.**

**8. I didn't have wings at all. Having a weird digestive system can only get you so far in life.**

**9. Fang figured out that Iggy wasn't the one writing 'Fang is a lover' on his blog.**

**10. The rest of the flock were actually Erasors. That would put a damper on life.**

**Me: Good job, Gazzy.**

**Gazzy: Thanks. By the way, don't tell Fang or Max about any of the stuff I said about them on the list.**

**Me: I sincerely promise that I won't. *laughs maniacally***

**Gazzy: You're going to.**

**Me: I am not.**

**Gazzy: Yes you are!**

**Me: No.**

**Gazzy: Yes.**

**Me: No!**

**Gazzy: Yes!**

**Me: NO!**

**Gazzy: YES!**

**Me: Why do you always think that I'm lying to you.**

…**Silence…**

**Me: Yeah I am lying to you. I'm so telling Fang and Max about everything on the list. That or I can broadcast it on national television.**

**Gazzy: Oh, come on! *storms away***

**Me: Yes, I know I'm completely evil for that. Anyway, thank you so much for the reviews guys. I feel so over-the-top cheerful. I feel appreciated. I wish I could send you all cookies but I can't because this is the internet. Anyway, if you want me to keep writing (and yes, I'm going to continue outside of the flock) keep the comments coming! Read and Review. Buh-bye!**


	6. Cotton Candy: Angel

**Me: Hi. I'm here with the little mind-reader, Angel.**

**Angel: Who are you talking to?**

**Me: My viewers. The people who read my books.**

**Angel: Ooh, do you mean those people out there are going to read about me? Cool.**

**Me: I know. It's too bad that I don't own Maximum Ride (P.S. That was the disclaimer) because then I could actually put this in a book.**

**Angel: I don't really know if this is good enough to get in a book.**

**Me: Don't worry it is.**

**Angel: Really?**

**Me: Really.**

**Angel: Really Really?**

**Me: Really Really.**

**Angel: R-**

**Me: Yes! Really. It's pretty funny.**

**Angel: Okay then. I'll just start my list.**

**Me: You do that.**

**Angel**

It would really stink if…

1. Total ate Celeste by accident. I would have to make him jump off a cliff with my mind.

2. Cotton Candy didn't exist. I tried it yesterday. It was wonderful, but every time I put it in my mouth, it just go really tiny and then disappeared. Like magic.

3. I couldn't read Iggy's mind. I'm getting some very interesting information from him. Especially when we're near a lot of girls.

4. My gills stopped working in the middle of the Pacific.

5. Fang didn't like Max any more. I think that Fang and Max look cute together.

6. Prices didn't exist. I'm going to get married to a prince or a game show host. Whichever one puts more bread on the table.

7. I didn't live to be old enough to get married and have babies. I'm going to name my son Charles Morris Leo Caliper [insert last name here] and my daughter is going to be Max Butterfly Sparkle Unicorn [insert last name here].

8. Gazzy had another dream where I marry a whale named Fred and ride off into the darkness. It's getting embarrassing to listen to.

9. I didn't have golden hair. My hair is so pretty and looks like golden thread. I wouldn't want it to be any other color.

10. The flock got separated. I wouldn't know what to do. It would be horrible.**Angel: There. How is it?**

**Me: Very good. I like cotton candy, too.**

**Angel: Yeah, do you know why it gets so tiny like that in your mouth.**

**Me: Well, actually…no. If you have an answer to Angel's question please post it. Then I can tell her. And her dilemma will be over.**

**Angel: Yeah, I really, **_**really, **_**want to know.**

**Me: Besides that, read and review. Plus, I know I'm going to do Total, Ella, and Jeb, but who else? Ugh, it says that Jeb isn't a word. It is a word! JEB! IS! A! WORD! Anyway, post your comments, answers, and toast by clicking the green words at the bottom of the page.**

**Angel: YAY! Bye.**


	7. ANGEL'S ANSWER!:

Me: Hello again, my readers. 

Angel: Do you think that people might be getting annoyed with you? Do you ever come off your computer?

Me: I don't know. Do you ever stop criticizing? Well, I just want to say that I logged onto my computer and looked at my reviews-

Angel: Because you never get off your computer.

Me: I was asleep in a bed, right??? So, one of my reviews told me my ANSWER TO THE COTTON CANDY QUESTION. Oh. My. God. I have been so excited to know that. Angel are you ready to hear the answer from Foerster-19?

Angel: Yeah! What is it?

Me: Okay exact words from Foerster-19: "Dear Angel,-

Angel: That's so nice! It said dear.

Me: Yes. Yes it did. Can I continue?

Angel: Sure.

Me: Anyway, "there is a whole lot of sugar in cotton candy and so when it hits the acid-like substance on your tongue it dissolves." THANK YOU SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO MUCH FOR THAT ANSWER! You are mucho-awesome.

Angel: There is acid on my tongue? *touches tongue*

Me: I suppose.

Angel: …*silence*…

Me: Do you have anything to say to Foerster-19?

Angel: Yep. YOU ROCK!

Me: See you made a little girl very, very happy. *applause for Foerster-19.* Good job!

Angel: Yeah, I have to go spit on Gazzy. If there's acid on my tongue I want to see if I can burn a hole through his clothing. *runs away*.

Me: That little monster. I'm so proud of her. So, yeah this whole chapter is dedicated to the awesome answer that we got for the cotton candy question. By the way, my top reviewer is Foerster-19 with 6 reviews. ALREADY!!!!J After today I will no longer be putting up the top reviewer because it is getting a little bit annoying. But, keep reviewing. Click that button a whole lot. It makes me and all the Maximum Ride people very happy.

Next chapter will be Total. Then Ella and so on…

Read and Review and don't forget to eat potatoes!

-Peace out


	8. Pink is NOT Her Color: Total

**Me: Felicitations, web surfers, stalkers, and donut men! Wuz up!!!?? Not to sound needy, but I really NEED reviews. I don't know why. They just make me happy.**

**Total: That sounded needy. Aren't you supposed to say the disclaimer.**

**Me: Aren't you supposed to bark?**

**Total: Eh, bite me.**

**Me: Anyhow, I just wanted to say that I only own a dog named Toby so, I don't own Total or Maximum Ride. JP does. Lucky guy.**

**Total: Yeah, he makes like millions every day probably.**

**Me: Don't make me any more jealous than I already am. **

**Total: Yeah, but you've been talking about your comments forever. **

**Me: Thank you to all the lovely citizens out there who commented. **

**Total: Can I write my list of things that would stink if they happened please. I didn't come here to listen to more of your talking.**

**Me: Said the over-talkative dog. Emphasis on the **_**dog**_** part.**

**Total**

It would really stink if…

1. I was cursed by the Wicked Witch of the West and couldn't speak for the rest of my life. Oh my Kibbles, that would mean…BARKING! Never gonna happen.

2. Gazzy owned me. He would totally be a bad owner.

3. Iggy owned me. I would be the testing doll for all eternity. Plus he trips on me. I'm starting to think he does it on purpose.

4. Anyone except Angel owned me. She's perfect.

5. Max stopped letting me order my own caviar with room service.

6. I wrote my own book and no one bought it because I was a dog and I shouldn't be writing. Grrrr…

7. Hollywood rejected me for Lassie because I was too 'small'. Ugh. I'm just on the petite size. I'll have you know, I'm the flying Scottie. I am so cool.

8. Akila decided on pink for the wedding gown. Her colors are midnight blue and emerald. How many times must I tell her this!

9. I was white. That's so girly. White. Black is more fierce and scary. Like me. Be afraid. Be very afraid.

10. Someone found out that I'm the one eating the sugar cookies. I could never live that down. They just taste like heaven.

**Me: So, the rumor is true? You an Akila are getting married?**

**Total: She's my lady. Pink is just not her color. And it doesn't go with the church. **

**Me: Are you going to wear a white tux. **

**Total: OF COURSE NOT! Hello, didn't you read number 9? Sheesh.**

**Me: Okay. So, do you like peanut butter?**

**Total: Yeah, I guess.**

**Me: Good because I'm starving.**

**Total: See you, internet ladies and gents. **

**Me: Logging off.**


	9. Germanese: Ella

**Me: Hello, Bonjour, Buenos Diaz, Guten Tag, Ni hao, Chow, Shalom, Dobre' Dian. YO! **

**Ella: Why did you say all those words?**

**Me: Because they are awesome.**

**Ella: Not really. But anyway, I'm going to say the disclaimer and you can't stop me.**

**Me: Oh yeah?**

**Ella: Maximum Ride is not yours. It is James Patterson. He thought me into existence.**

**Me: That sounds funny.**

**Ella: Yeah, I know.**

**Me: So, are you gonna write?**

**Ella: *nods***

**Ella**

It would really stink if…

1. Max wasn't really my sister. I would be really ticked off at Mom.

2. Total ran away because he doesn't like my dog. And everyone got mad at me.

3. Iggy was lying when he said he liked me. (Shh…secret)

4. 3 and he was signed up for one of those dating sites for people who live with their cat.

5. I was being tracked because I was with Max. And I got tied to a bomb and it was counting down from 10.

6. Iggy keeps thinking about other girls. That we pass by. Angel has told me about it because she can read minds. If he does it again, it would stink that I would have to rip off his head.

7. Gazzy bought me one of those "You can have Gazzy and Fang" shirts from one of those Goth stores. (They say "I want Iggy" on the back) I would die. Then come back to life and die again.

8. My mom got captured by that Mr. Chu freak, again. He sucks. I want to kick his a-…rear-end.

9. I had to take a pop quiz on Germany right now. I don't know anything about Germany except that people speak Germanese there. Whatever.

10. Someone hit me over the head with a golf ball. Then tied my hands behind my back and a brick to the rope. And then dropped me into the pool. I don't think I'm very buoyant.

**Me: I think it's German. Not Germanese.**

**Ella: No, it's Germanese. **

**Me: Okay, whatever you say. So, you and Iggy are dating?**

**Ella: Yup. **

**Me: Where was your first date?**

**Ella: Um…I'd like to say a fancy restaurant. But, no. We went to a mini market and bought chips. And then we sat on a bridge railing until a cop screamed at us and Iggy fell into the water. And two men in black saved him. And then they turned out to be thugs so I beat them up and we ran away. **

**Me: Ah, romantic.**

**Ella: And then we came home and Max yelled at Iggy for tracking mud in the house. And she was all like, "What were you crazy kids doing?" And that's when Iggy kissed me. He didn't miss.**

**Me: Wow. **

**Ella: Yeah.**

**Me: This is very awkward. Please read and review Ella's list.**

**Ella: And my date. *grins*.**

**Me: You're quite the romancer.**

**Ella: Uh-huh.**

**Me: Well, yeah, we're gonna go now. Next is Jeb. And then (idea of the awesomely fantastic Foerster-19) Ter Borcht! I vill speak in ze German vay. Okay, now. BYE-BYE BIRDIES!**


	10. Oprah Addiction: Jeb

Me: I am here with Jeb Batchelder.

Jeb: Hello. Is there any reason I'm sitting in a neon green room with a little kid about to write a silly list?

Me: GASP!!! It is NOT silly, Mr. Batchelder. It is awesome. So, how does it feel to be really unpopular?

Jeb: It feels like I'm back in 5th grade.

Me: Ha-ha.

Jeb: So what do I do now?

Me: You have to write a list of things that you think would stink if they happened.

Jeb: Alright.

Me: Do you need a pen?

Jeb: No, I carry one with me in my lab coat at all times.

Me: Nerd.

Jeb: I did not come here to be offended.

Jeb

**It would really stink if…**

**1. One of my experiments came out so dysfunctional that I needed to put it to sleep.**

**2. Max doesn't live to be old. She is my only real child now that Ari is gone.**

**3. I couldn't get my equipment imported from China every year. That's very crucial to my work.**

**4. Max didn't love me.**

**5. I was voted Most Likely to Be a Homeless person again at my high school reunion.**

**6. My lab coat wasn't white. White is official. White is responsible. White scares people.**

**7. The Oprah show was cancelled. It's one of the few joys in my life.**

**8. My notes disappeared. I would probably go insane.**

**9. Max discovered the other chip I've placed in her head that shows me her dream sequence. She dreams far too much of that Fang boy.**

**10. I lost my Math-Pack. Complete with protractor, straight edge, compass, sharpener, and ruler.**

**Me: You're kind of weird.**

**Jeb: And I came after the bird kids and the talking dog.**

**Me: You watch Oprah?**

**Jeb: In my free time. There's so many interesting facts and interpretations. She's a genius!**

**Me: Okay. Read and review for Jeb. And ask questions to any of the Maximum Ride characters. I'm sure they'd be happy to answer. Tah-tah for now my little internet Cheerios.**


	11. More of Zhe Monkey Type: ter Borcht

_**Me: Hi, everyone. ter Borcht actually CAME!! He didn't blow me off.**_

_**ter Borcht: I have no intention of being here.**_

_**Me: Yeah, but you came anyway.**_

_**ter Borcht: Yah, I suppose so.**_

_**Me: So Borchty- **_

_**ter Borcht: Do not call me zat.**_

_**Me: What is your latest ambition?**_

_**ter Borcht: To destroy zhe vorld as ve know it.**_

_**Me: Ah, destroying zhe vorld. Zat is interesting. **_

_**ter Borcht: And to kill zhe vun zhey call Maximum.**_

_**Me: Okay zhen. So wanna write the list?**_

_**ter Borcht: No, but if I don't everyvun vill hate me. *starts writing in a very German fashion*.**_

_**Me: Don't tell him this, but everyone already thinks that.**_

_**ter Borcht: I heard zhat. **_

_**ter Borcht**_

_It vould really stink if…_

_1. Maximum Ride somehow managed to zefeat me. Zhat vould suck._

_2. I vasn't as powerful as I am now. _

_3. I vas forced to beat the Nudge-girl's record for eating zhe Snickahs Bahrs. Vithout bahfing. _

_4. My mother found out that I haven't been playing golf zhese past few years._

_5. I lost my very manly German accent. I do not like any of zhe other vuns. Just German._

_6. Somevun snipped off my hair in zhe night. I vould have to destroy zhem. _

_8. Zat Total-erm-dog thing-knew how very afraid I vas of him. I hate dogs. More of zhe monkey type, yah._

_9. Zhe little girl named Angel defeated me. How embarrassing. I vould have to vear zhe cloak of shame for zhe rest of zhe veek. _

_10. Zhe vorld became indestructible. So much so, zat I couldn't harm anything. I vould be especially mad about zhis. _

_**Me: Very nice. Your accent is very manly, Ter Borcht.**_

_**ter Borcht: Like I already did not know zhis.**_

_**Me: Do you like pumpkins?**_

_**ter Borcht: Pumpkins?**_

_**Me: Yeah.**_

_**ter Borcht: Zat is a stupid question.**_

_**Me: I am offended. I no longer like you accent.**_

_**ter Borcht: I have no need for your opinion.**_

_**Me: Fine. Get out of my house.**_

_**ter Borcht: You can not force me.**_

_**Me: Uh, yeah I think I can. *pushes Ter Borcht out the door*.**_

_**ter Borcht: I vanted to leave, anyvay. So zhere.**_

_**Me: *closes door* I bet he's a hit at parties. (BTW, Foerster-19 came up with number 3. Thank you. YOU ROCK!) Anyvay, read and review and always hate ter Borcht. SEE YOU SOON!**_

_**P.S. Next is Doctor Martinez. Post any ideas you have about what she should say.**_


	12. Stuart Little at my Door: Dr Martinez

Me: Well, howdy people.

Dr. Martinez: Er…howdy to you too.

Me: No, Dr. M, I'm talking to the people out there. *waves hands in semi-circle.*

Dr. Martinez: Where?

Me: Never mind. For now, let's just say that I'm talking to my mini collection of fleas.

Dr. Martinez: Ah. Okay.

Me: So Dr. M is going to write her list. And so, yeah. See you after she writes!

Dr. Martinez

**It would really stink if…**

**1. (submitted by SeekDreamsAndFindHope) **If Jeb walked into the room and yelled, "VALLY! I'm HOME!" And then informed me that our divorce wasn't legal so we were still married. That would put a dark cloud over my life.

2. Ella took to that _Iggy _bird-kid. I'm not prejudiced. My own daughter has wings. But the idea of Ella going on dates in mid-air? With a blind person? I could not allow it. Besides, let's face it, she's far too young and innocent to be dating.

3. I was shunned from the town for having a baby just to graft avian DNA in her. That is untrue. I love Max just as much as Ella.

4. I had to dissect a dead bird. That would give me depression.

5. I had another child. One teen and one bird-kid is enough. Not that I don't love kids. It just…

6. Stuart Little came to my doorstep and told me that I was also his son. A half boy/half mouse combination. Eew.

7. Someone tried that whole pizza-box bomb, again.

8. If Gazzy hid my toothbrush in the microwave for the third time. It's hard to smile and say "Oh that's fine, sweetie. You didn't know." when in reality you want to rip his head off with your teeth.

9. I had to buy food for _all of them._ I bring in a lot of money from being a veterinarian. But enough to feed 6 bird-kids with rapid metabolisms and my daughter? No way.

10. If Ella was affected by my choice with Max and suddenly…she sprouted a squirrel tail or a shell or fins.

**Me: Yes, yes. Very interesting.**

**Dr. Martinez: Why thank you.**

**Me: You're right. That whole "VALLY! I'M HOME" thing would make me sad if I were you too.**

**Dr. Martinez: Right? **

**Me: Yeah. But, I don't think you have to worry too much about the Ella and Iggy thing.**

**Dr. Martinez: Why not?**

**Me: Because it already happened. So that's kind of deleted.**

**Dr. Martinez: WHAT!?! You mean to tell me that Ella went on a date with that bird-person?**

**Me: Yup. And she beat up some thugs and Iggy fell off a bridge.**

**Dr. Martinez: Crap. *leaves*.**

**Me: I'm so happy to make a person happy like that. I though she would be so much more enthusiastic about it. WhAtEvEr!!! So, if you're a person review. If you're an alien, review in an alien language. If you're a pencil, go buy some fish. YAY! Just do it. Bye! (NEXT UP: OMEGA! Coming to a fan fiction near YOU soon!****J)**


	13. Likable Avirl Lavigne: Omega

_Me: Yo! Wuz up, viewers, reviewers, and other. _

_Omega: Greetings._

_Me: Yeah. So, today I was thinking about Omega. He's perfect and stuff, right?_

_Omega: I have been made to destroy. My purpose is to defeat. No flaw may enter my system._

_Me: What if I sneeze on you?_

_Omega: I have been made to destroy. My purpose is to defeat. No flaw may enter my system._

_Me: Okaaaay? So anyway, why would they name him Omega? The last of the Greek language? I mean Alpha, Beta or Delta would've been cool with me. But the equivalent of Z is weirdish. It's like the sleeping symbol. Zz__z__zz__z__z__!!_

_Omega: Omega is powerful. Omega means death._

_Me: Uh, incorrect! Omega means __z __ditz-brain._

_Omega: Incorrect? Nothing is incorrect. What is the meaning of this __**froo-froo-bunny? **_

_**Me: (stifles laughter) I found his "battery" thing or whatever on his arm and took out the micro-chip. When he gets annoying I make him say weird stuff.**_

_**Omega**_

_It would really disappoint me if…_

_1. Omega was not indestructible and flawless. Omega was built to be indestructible and flawless. It is the rules._

_2. Omega was defeated. It has happened only once before. Omega has been reprogrammed since._

_3. The Director retired Omega because he has not completed his task yet. _

_4. Omega's favorite singer, Avril Lavigne, didn't write anymore songs. Hey, hey, you, you, I don't like your girlfriend! She is most likable. _

_5. All Omega's friends thought that it was disturbing that his name was Omega. The laughter of robots programmed like Omega is merciless._

_6. Omega was turned into a cell phone again. Those were the worst weeks of Omega's life._

_7. The Director gave Omega D batteries. They are too big for Omega. He is a size B!_

_8. Omega was no longer allowed to use the black car that makes him look like a gangsta'. _

_9. Omega's circuits malfunctioned. That would be most disappointing to my mistress._

_10. Everyone found out that Omega was the tiniest bit small for a robot of his brand. Embarrassing._

_**Me: Wow. Why do you always talk in third person?**_

_**Omega: What?**_

_**Me: Never mind. Yeah, by the way, I know that it doesn't specifically say that Omega is a robot. It's just a theory that me and my friends have.**_

_**Omega: A joke?**_

_**Me: Uh-huh. I'm really bored with Omega right now though. And I'm sorry that this chapter took so long to write and was so crappy. Omega just isn't as exciting as I thought he would be. *sigh*. On the bright side, next up is the Director. The Fake Mom. The total wackjob. Yay! See you then.**_

_**Omega: Felicitations.**_

_**Me: Have you ever considered therapy?**_


	14. Deeply and Madly in Love: The Director

Me: Hey ya! I am BACK! FINALLY I'M BACK!! I have had insane writer's block for like fifty gazillion centuries but now I am BACK!!

Director: Oh joy.

Me: Can it, Mom.

Director: For the last time, I am not your mother.

Me: Oh, I just thought that you were everyone on this planet's mom. You know?

Director: What are you talking about?

Me: God, you _are_ clueless!

Director: Me?

Me: No, Elmo.

Director: Alright.

Me: 0.o???

Director: What NOW?

Me: Nothing.

Director: You're doing something.

Me: No, I'm not. I'm just thinking random thoughts about you.

Director: Like what?

Me: Like…what size cage are you?

The Director

**It Would Really Stink If…**

**1. One of my dearly beloved mutant experimentations died. Just for all you obtuse ignoramuses out there, that was **_**sarcasm.**_** I don't wallow in the stupidity of each and every failure that is composed into my life story.**

**2. **_**The Angel brat-thing lives to see another day. **_**She was on my panel! And then poof (for lack of better word)! She betrays me. Someday I'll straighten those bouncy little curls.**

**3. I had a dog. Nothing against dogs. I would just have to clean up after it. It's such a tiring responsibility.**

**4. For my whole life, I keep getting confused with the Uber-Director for once. Uber isn't even a real word. That hollow hamster cage will rue the day he plagiarized my name. RUE IT!**

**5. Rain didn't exist. Rain makes me think wonderful thoughts about world domination. Someday, Starbucks and Dunkin Donuts will be mine. Someday…someday…**

**6. Laffy Taffies did not exist. I would die. There's nothing like a good handful of those in the morning to start your day off right. I keep a jar of them on my desk just in case I get hungry. It's all I eat. I don't eat anything else. Just Laffy Taffy. Every day. AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME!!!! **

**7. I get dropped from a thousand feet in the air. It almost happened awhile ago. You should be happy that I'm here and not a dead splotch on a field. You should be very very happy.**

**8. Jeb found out that I am deeply and madly in love with him. He thinks he likes that Valencia Martinez chic, but as soon as she's out of the picture, Jeb will be mine and he will be inventing Erasors for me as a wedding gift! **_**Wait did I just write that? Why doesn't this keyboard have a backspace key??**_

**9. Someone stole my purse. I don't know, but I've seen it happen millions of times on television. The woman is just sitting there and then this person comes up and grabs her purse** and runs away. It seems very scary. I'm glad I don't get out much.

10. I had to continue writing this list.

**Me: You had a lot to say about a lot of stuff.**

**Director: Yes, I am extremely smart. Unlike you.**

**Me: GASP! I am smart! I am a flippin' Albert Einstein compared to you.**

**Director: Oh please. Albert Einstein was my great great great great great great uncle on my father's side.**

**Me: He was not!**

**Director: He was so!**

**Me: Was NOT!**

**Director: Was so!**

**Me: Was NOT!!!!!!!!!!!!**

**Director: Was so times infinite. Ha. Game over. I win.**

**Me: Was not times infinite to the **_**second power. **_

**Director: How dare you use math against me, you ignorant child?**

**Me: Don't insult me. How would you like it if I called you…fat and ugly?**

**Director: I'm leaving.**

**Me: You better.**

**Director: *walks out and slams the door***

**Me: SHE IS SO FNICKIN' NICE!!!! =) We should hang out more. Anyway, review me. I know that this chapter took so long and you're probably bored of me by now. But don't be because guess who's next…**

**A COUPLE OF ZERO-BRAINED WHITE-COAT PEOPLE!!!**

**It's not really a chapter. I just wanted to have a conversation with them.**

**Okay. Fly freely in Canada!!! Bye!**


	15. White Coat Time

**Me: Hi. Okay here's the deal: I have been reminded that ter Borcht forgot to put the number 7 on his list. Well, I got very angry at him and went to talk to him and he said that there's no "7" because 7 is the most unlucky number. I was like "no way dude. 13 is the unluckiest number." and he was like, "7 is more unlucky." So, I just kind of dropped it. I'm not changing it because there's no way I could write it the way ter Borcht does. So, anyway…I'm here with the whitecoats. Three whitecoats. That's correct. THREE! This is whitecoat 1. Her name is Emma. She's single. No freaking duh.**

**Emma: Excuse me?**

**Me: Sorry Emma. You're a whitecoat. Don't you take like a vow that you won't get married when you become a whitecoat.**

**Emma: That would be when you want to become a priest, not a **_**scientist.**_

**Me: Details, details. This old guy is Gary. He has a cat named Epsilon. I have recently been informed that Epsilon is the Greek letter for "E". This cat beat out Omega in the name category.**

**Gary: I also have a cat named Gamma, which means "C" in Greek.**

**Me: So, Gary, you're saying that you're single too?**

**Gary: What?**

**Me: No, I just assumed. This last person is Quinn. She is Chinese. Okay let's move on.**

**Emma: I don't exactly know why you told us to come here, but I suppose it is because of something very important and scientific.**

**Me: Oh, it is. I get lots of people who comment on my entries on this site. I'm going to tell you guys about a few of the most interesting reviews. You guys can give me feedback.**

**Gary: I don't suppose this has anything to do with science.**

**Me: Shut it, Gary. Nobody wants to hear you talk.**

**Quinn: Maybe we can find away to graft something into some of these people's DNA.**

**Me: NO! Just sit here and wait for me to find some unique reviews.**

***spends at least half of an hour searching the review page for awesome reviews to review…***

**Me: Alright. First up is a review from "1910tsuki" which says "LOL". Let's see what our smart friends have to say about this review.**

**Quinn: What is an "LOL"?**

**Me: How long have you been living under a rock? LOL, means laughing out loud.**

**Gary: Laughing out loud? Do some people laugh on the inside?**

**Me: Gary, if I asked for your opinion, I would have told you. I don't care what you have to say and frankly, your voice irritates me.**

**Emma: I suppose it means that something was funny.**

**Me: No way! **

**Emma: Well, you're not giving us much to work with here. **

**Me: Sorry, let me find some more for you. You scientist-types are so flipping needy.**

***searches for another hour***

**Me: Okay. Wake up everyone, I'm back! This next one is from Botherer 1337 (p.s. love the name). This person sent me a whole conversation between her/him and my extremely good friend, Ella! Here's the conversation:**

**Ella: Oh, : What?Ella: Mom found out about my date with : : And Stuart Little might be my : Yeah, that WOULD suck. **

**Me: OMG! I was…ahem…LOLing at that. It was so funny. What do you scientists have to say about this issue?**

**Quinn: Well…why are teenage girls dating so early now? **

**Me: Sounds like somebody never got a date.**

**Quinn: Don't insult me.**

**Me: Don't be a whitecoat. Okay, last one for the day. This one was from a really cool person (I'm assuming it's a girl) named Windy Silvermist, or better known as Windy of Complete and Total Awesomeness. This was such a cool review. It has everything good about life: randomness, Wicked, and whales. Okay, here's the exact review: THAT WAS AWESOME. It makes me want to do that whole list thing. But that would be cheating, or plagiarism. And that's just plain mean. Plagiarism. Though when people abandon stories I have the urge to do just that. ANYway even if I did copy there would have been mostly same because you know that's what I would say to. Because were kinda the same. TO prove this I will now say something of no relation in a series of words of total awesome randmness. Total (sorry Total not you though you are awesome, and random, i mean what is more random that a talking flying talking scottish terrier who talks, and whose name sounds strangely like Toto. Did I mention talking and flying and kansas?)randomness shall ensue now: Bunny, Helium, jukebox, Love shack, (Its a song it is awesome. AND IT HAS THE WORD WHALE IN IT. I think that this would be the song that Angel, and fred swam away to.) WICKED (hey I admit that wasn't random. But I had to say that because itis awesome. If there are a lot of spelling errors it because I can't see what I'm typing, the review box is doing something weird), gingerbread, monkeys (from Mars only. also not random oh well) KOMBA!: TOtal(not you) awesome randomness is completley finished. Sorry this wasn't much a review, but at least it had entertainment value. I think. Have you thought about doing ari as a ghost. I mean your the author. I also think that maybe if the reviewers say something funny. Than at the end, have a kinda end of the story funeral where all the characters read the reviews and say something about certain reviews. HINT HINT Jokeing. Nayway that was totally fantabulaous can't wait for more. **

**Me: WHOA!!!!!! That was the longest comment I've ever gotten. **

**Emma: She sounds weird.**

**Me: GASP!!!!!! She sounds like the best person EVER!! How can you say mean stuff like that? What if I told you that you were ugly?**

**Emma: I'm not ugly!**

**Me: Then why aren't you MARRIED?**

**Emma: I'm just waiting for the right guy.**

**Gary: I'll marry you, Emma. **

**Emma and Me: SHUT UP GARY!!!!**

**Me: Everybody get out of my house before I have a tantrum.**

***Quinn and Emma leave***

**Me: Gary get out of here!!!!**

***Gary leaves***

**Me: Anyway, thank you to everyone who left reviews like that for me. If anyone else wants to be featured, leave a very strange and crazy review. I can't use really short ones. I like getting them, but they won't be featured. So…remember children: poke llamas, don't shave your head, and vote fish stick for president!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! REVIEW!!!!!!!!!!! BYE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ****J**


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